Blog #4: Coping from Afar: The Unbearable Experience of Having Loved Ones in War Zones

Bombs Dropping! Internet Outages! Presidents Arrested! Countries Invaded! Existential Crises! Protests and Killings! Religious Persecution! Military Coups! These are only some of the few news and media headlines covered over the last little while all around the world. It can be shocking, infuriating, and overwhelming, as well as create this sense of unease, uncertainty, helplessness and hopelessness in our every day lives. To all those of you far and away that are suffering with loved ones in conflict/war zones, my thoughts and concern is always with you. Whether that be Iranians living abroad, Ukrainians living abroad, Palestinians living abroad, Venezuelans living abroad, and other people from countries with conflicts living abroad. I wanted to take some time to reflect and provide some initial strategies to think about in these uncertain times that may have some positive impact on  your lives, from a psychological perspective.

First off, it is important to we recognize and acknowledge that it is very common and normal to have very difficult feelings during times of conflict, war, and global uncertainty, which can include:

• Shock & Disbelief

• Guilt & Survivors Guilt

• Fear & Anxiety about the future

• Disorientation: difficulty making decisions or concentrating

• Inability to focus

• Apathy & Emotional Numbing

• Irritability & Anger

• Sadness & Depression

• Powerlessness, Helplessness, Hopelessness

• Extreme changes in eating patterns: under eating or overeating

• Crying for “no apparent reason”

• Headaches & Stomach problems

• Sleep difficulties

• Sometimes using more amounts of alcohol or drugs

Because we are human, it is normal and expected that we care deeply about those we love, including family, friends, relatives, classmates, and peers. We can experience the worse feelings and experiences when we observe those we care about suffering and experiencing injustice. That is why it is important to acknowledge and validate our feelings, to realize that we are not alone and that it would be abnormal if we did not feel these feelings during these difficult times.^{1, 2, 3}

Secondly, trying to stay connected at home and abroad when possible is also important. In order to reduce facing the stress of the conflict alone, it is important that you connect with people in your local community who may be experiencing the same or similar concerns to create a sense of social cohesion and belonging. Research does demonstrate that having sense of connection to a community can have protective factors against the stress and strong negative emotions in these difficult times. In addition, trying to stay in touch when possible with family and friends living in conflict zones can be useful that provides reliable information about what is happening, but also allows you to offer social support to the people you care about. I know it can often be difficult to contact family and friends during times of conflict because of Internet outages and patchy service, but providing some social support can feel rewarding and helping in regaining a slight sense of control.^{1, 2, 3}

The next area that is very difficult to maintain in times of conflict is trying to maintain some sense of normalcy, as impractical as it may feel. While staying connected to our own cultural community can be helpful, as discussed above, trying to interact with people who are not suffering in the same way can be useful as well. It may seem irrelevant when others may be talking about movies or sport scores, but trying to break the cycle of constant stress can be important for your mind and body as well. Research does recommend trying to maintain some level of normal routines, even though these will be impacted as well, including eating, sleeping, and exercising the way you normally would.^{1, 2, 3}

Additionally, the area of media consumption is a delicate balancing act as well. Even though most people want to be informed and know what’s really going on; however, constantly monitoring the news and seeing horrific images and videos can do more harm in the long run. Some suggestions include trying to limit media exposure to a limited number of times per day and trying to get it from credible sources as much as possible, even though that can be difficult at times. Also, what to pay attention to what is happening in your body when you check the news or media. If you notice your heart is racing, your breathing is shallow, you develop a headache, and your shoulders get tight, then it could be time to take a break.^{1, 2, 3}

Moreover, it is important to acknowledge that some people may feel profound guilt because they cannot physically be there for their loved ones or that their loved ones might not have access to the privileges we have, such as food, safety, and normal routines. If you are experiencing this, it is important to give yourself some time and space to process these difficult and contradictory emotions and feelings. These world conflicts are difficult and complex situations that bring up a lot of anger, guilt, frustration, helplessness, and resentment. So, it will most likely take time to process these emotions on your own, with family/friends/community members, or with a mental health professional (i.e. counselor, therapist, social worker, psychotherapist, psychologist, etc.). Skills such as treating ourselves with compassion and grace can be very helpful skills to start putting in place if they are not already.^{1, 2, 3}

One of the last areas to be mindful of is to try and exert control where you can in your life. Starting off in small areas of life, this could look like going for a walk, taking a nap, calling, texting, or emailing someone you love, eating something you enjoy, or listening to your favorite music that calms you. Other things to consider is maybe trying to help others in your community, volunteering, or donating can be helpful to feel like you a contributing to the things you are passionate about. Some more larger things that you may want to consider is contributing to the social movements to help these conflict causes if you are not doing that already or trying to talk to your political representatives if it is relevant.^{1, 2, 3}

In conclusion, my heart breaks for all the innocent people caught locally and abroad in these wars and world conflicts that many of us can only observe from afar. It is important to become aware of our emotions and feelings surrounding these conflicts, as it is very normal to feel a host of negative and conflicting emotions. As we discussed in this article, there are some tangible things that can be done or for you to think about more to help you manage some of these emotions and feelings during these conflicts. If it does feel a little too much, it may be a great idea to reach out to a mental health professional to discuss this further and process it with them. If you are ever concerned about your safety or the safety of someone else, it is important to reach out to a Suicide Hotline (988 lifeline in USA and Canada that runs 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 365 days per year) or contact 911 or go to your local Emergency Department. Thank you for all your courage and resilience in these extraordinary times.

References:

1. Georgia Southern University. (2022). Coping with War and Terrorism. https://ww2.georgiasouthern.edu/students/counseling/resources/student-resources/coping-with-war-and-terrorism/

2. American Psychological Association. (2025). How to cope when loved ones are in war zones. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2025/10/coping-loved-ones-war-zones

3. American Psychological Association. (2022). How to handle the trauma of war from afar. https://www.apa.org/news/apa/2022/trauma-war-afar